#and there was no fucking way I was going to Italy and not eating pasta and bread

[sunnibits]

update on how I’m doing I had a real roll of bread last night (while extremely exhausted from being awake for like 24+ hours straight) for the first time in half a year and I think I almost cried

[boomerang109]

I'm supposed to still be doing homework but I wanted to pause really quickly because I really think I might be getting better

I hit a wall last week (and hella actually really helped me, but I had to ignore her advice for a few days to see it) where I just kind of realized I don't actually do much to make myself feel better? And like. I want to be so specific that like. I'm feeling physically better these days so it's so much easier (not easy, mind you--I'm still in pain AND mental health is still making it hard, but it's easier)

But like I just had like three days in a row where I just tried to do homework in bed and instead I did NOTHING and I basically talked to no one and I was just making myself miserable and I was like. It's the end of the semester and at this point it's my fault I have so much work. So I need to make a different choice and do it. So I have?

And I spent HOURS doing work yesterday. And it wasn't perfect--I meant to go to an aquaintance's show and I didn't make it, but I did a bunch of work and got some late assignments turned in. And I'm still working today and it's fucking slow going. I thought I was gonna get through two modules (I don't call them that, god hella you've infected my brain) but I still have ten pages left of enlightened sexism (but my focus is a little shot at this point in the day. BECAUSE I SUDDENLY HAVE ENERGY?? like i'm gonna go put my laundry in and like. idk maybe even walk around a bit because i have energy. like not a lot. but for nearly 8pm at night? It's crazy.)

I just. I hope this is the iron and the medication change. Because I've been having such a rough go of it. But I think some of it has been me. I think I got really good at being sick and treating myself like I was sick and I'm not anymore.

Cause like when I was sick I let myself get away with all sorts of bullshit cause 'oh I can't, I don't feel well.'

But I'm getting better. So that means putting on my big person pants and doing shit. Even when it's hard.

[klaus-littlestwolf]

Hello love reading your mikaelson fics especially the yandere ones

If u want how bout Yandere sugar daddies klaus and Elijah sharing sugar baby reader wants to become exclusive(to be lovers) but reader is not sure if she wants too. She’s scared to take the next level. Pls smut if u can

She had become their Sugar Baby when they overheard her conversation with Elena, Bonnie and Caroline about her current Sugar Daddy being a piece of shit who just wants to fuck her and drop her, no more taking care of her.

Klaus and Elijah had never had that kind of relationship before so it was definitely different, but of course they could afford to give her everything.

Y/n had stayed at the bar after her friends left and Elijah approached her, buying her another drink and asking her to join them. She was cautious but they could see she was also intrigued.

Elijah had been obsessed with her since he first came to Mystic Falls, and while he had had several relationships over his lifetime, none of them had made him feel like Y/n did. He had watched over her the whole time he was in town, until of course his brother daggered him. Klaus had become interested in her upon returning to the town with Stefan to fix his Hybrid problem. He’d sent her a drink before having to leave again and promising to make her his upon his return to the town. They had started talking the night before when everyone had been in un-daggered and upon realizing they were obsessed with the same girl, they decided to have her together, they had done it once as humans with Tatia, why not now when they were far more well off and able to give her everything she wants?

They bought her a few drinks and just talked, asking what it was she needed from a Sugar Daddy, explaining what they wanted from her and it all seemed rather perfect. They invited her to be their date to their families Ball the next night and promised her the perfect outfit, and the brothers were thrilled when she agreed.

She had allowed them to drive her home and while she didn’t invite them in, at least they know where she lives now and they Hate that it’s an apartment on the edge of the town. Klaus went home and found the perfect dress for her to wear to the Ball and Elijah picked out some jewelry for her to wear with it. There’s no way their girl wouldn’t be the most perfect Princess at the Ball.

That was how it all started. They paid her bills for her and she spent nearly all day every day with them unless they had a supernatural problem to deal with. Elijah loved taking her shopping, she would go with him to help him decide what suits looked the best on him, he loves having her opinion and hearing her tell him how handsome he looks. Klaus enjoyed spoiling her in other ways, whisking her away for an overnight trip to Paris on a jet (Klaus for the food and Elijah for the shopping), A quick stop in Italy when he insisted she needed to know what ‘real’ pasta was like, and even a stop over in New Orleans for the ‘Worlds Best Beignets’. Y/n both loved and hated the fact that Klaus enjoyed feeding her, he watched her eat like it was the most fascinating, beautiful thing in the world and he was definitely turned on by it.

It was a month into the relationship that Y/n began noticing them behaving a little more…personal? They became far more touchy with her, which was nice but she began to realize it felt different. The way they looked at her was as if staring into her soul, and while most Sugar Daddies enjoy people looking at their babies, wanting to show them off to the world as if to say “Look at what I have, you could never afford her”, Klaus and Elijah were jealous, possessive even.

Once Klaus had nearly beaten a man on the street into a coma for looking at her too long she knew she needed to say something.

‘We need to talk.’ She spoke as they sat down in Y/n’s room in their home that they had gifted her, now full of all of her many, many, many clothes. Both men looked shocked but waited patiently for what she needed to say. ‘This isn’t normal, and I’m not sure what to do with that. I’ve been a sugar baby since I was 16, I love it, I enjoy being taken care of and shown off like I’m special.’

‘You are special.’ Klaus responded, taking her hand and kissing her palm, pressing her soft hand to his face but for the first time she pulled away from his touch and he instantly didn’t like that.

‘But it feels like you don’t want to show me off, you don’t want other men looking at me like every other man ever! What guy doesn’t want others to look at their girl? That’s always been half the point for the men I spend time with, you almost killed that man the other day Klaus! And you! You growled at a man checking me out at the register 2 days ago! What is wrong with you guys?!’ They could see she was frustrated and they wanted to make her feel better.

‘We love you Princess. We love you so much and we want you to be ours.’ Elijah admitted and her eyes widened in shock.

‘What? No, no, no…that’s not what this is guys, this isn’t a real relationship, why would…why would you want a girl to treat you like a living bank account? I don’t-‘

‘You love us just as much as we love you and you know it, you just try to hide it, we refuse to do so.’ The suited man responded and she didn’t seem to know what to say.

‘Admit it, you don’t treat us like every other guy you were with, you care for us, and we like buying our girl nice things if you haven’t noticed, love. We enjoy spoiling you and showering you in clothes and nice food, everything you want, however we do not enjoy other men thinking they have the right to stare at what is ours. You are gorgeous, Bunny, every inch of you…and every inch of you is ours.’ Klaus growled from deep in his chest and Y/n hated how much she loved the sound.

‘I’ve never had a real relationship and I don’t want one! Men know what they’re getting into with me, there’s no hidden agenda or misunderstandings. There’s no pain when you cheat or leave and I don’t want that! I can’t-I’m sorry. I can’t.’ She stood up, walking to the door and grabbing her bag when suddenly the door was slammed shut, Klaus cutting her exit off.

‘Where are you going? You live here now my love.’ She took a step back, she had never been afraid of Klaus and unlike everyone else in the world she knew he would never hurt her, but she also didn’t know what lengths he would go to to keep her.

‘My apartment, I need to think, I want to be alone right now.’

‘Apartment? We had you moved out of there weeks ago Princess, you’re ours now.’ Her eyes widened and she took several steps back before hitting the wall and sliding down to the floor. ‘We know you love us, and we understand that you’re afraid of being hurt but that’s not an option with us Y/n, we will never leave you, you’ll never lose us, we’ll never die. We’re immortal-‘

‘But I’m Not!’ She shouted and the brothers looked at each other for a moment before Klaus kneeled down beside her, kissing her palm once again and holding it to his face.

‘We can fix that problem right now.’ Y/n sucked in a breath, looking from Klaus back to Elijah in shock but he just tilted his head as if waiting for an answer.

‘Have you been planning this?’

‘We’ve been hoping for you to agree to be ours since before we had drinks…we love you Princess and we don’t plan on letting you go. We know you love us too…please just let us have you?’ As Elijah spoke, Klaus kissed his way up her arm and tilted her head to bare her throat, kissing and sucking his way up to her jaw before down to her chest.

‘Why me? After 1000 years, why me? How do I know you won’t get bored and leave?’ She hated how vulnerable and weak she sounded but they already knew how lonely and scared she was, keeping herself unavailable to keep from getting hurt.

‘We both fell in love with you a long time ago Princess, you’ve been mine since the day I came to Mystic Falls.’

‘And mine since I sent you that first drink.’ Klaus mumbled against her chest where he continued sucking love bites onto her perfect flesh.

‘You’re already ours Y/n…all that’s left is for you to admit it.’ Elijah tucked her hair behind her ear before leaning closer, kissing along her jawline and she knew she was done for. No women can have 2 Mikaelson’s sucking on their neck and chest and then reject them, physically impossible!

Her fingers tucked into both of their hair and held onto them desperately. ‘Please?’ That was all she said, but it was all she needed to say before Klaus’ hands grabbed ahold of her thighs and lifted her up effortlessly, dropping her onto the bed the next second and tearing her dress right down the front. ‘Hey! Not the dress!’

‘Bunny, I’ll buy you 100 more dresses tomorrow if that’s what you want but anything that obstructs my view of your perfect body deserves to be torn to shreds.’ Her bra was torn off next and Klaus finally got his lips around her breasts like he had clearly wanted, or so she thought. Elijah’s lips claimed hers roughly as Klaus kissed and nipped his way down her stomach and hips, pulling down her panties and revealing her pussy to him. ‘My God, you are a dripping mess, aren’t you? Did we do this?’ The hybrid questioned just as she was unbuttoning Elijah’s shirt and shoving it off of his shoulders.

‘Answer him Princess.’ Elijah teased, biting her lip between his teeth harshly and making her whine.

‘Obviously you did! Now fix it!’ Her voice demanded and pulled Elijah by the tie that was still around his neck despite his upper body being naked before she suddenly cried out. Elijah pulled back, looking down to see Klaus with his fangs buried into her thigh, tasting her as her thighs sat on his shoulders and his fingers rubbed at her clit slowly and teasingly.

‘How is she?’ He asked his younger brother who just groaned in response, but it was all he needed. Despite their girl having known they were vampires, they had yet to taste her, wanting to save it for just this occasion. Elijah leaned back down to his Princess, baring her neck for him and licking her throat teasingly before biting into her lovely flesh, her blood filling his mouth with what was possibly the best taste he had ever experienced. His hand cupped her breast, squeezing roughly and listening to her heart beat speed up as her hips ground against Klaus’ hand, her overwhelmed senses unable to take the stimulation before she came, crying out as they both pulled back, cleaning her blood from their bite marks.

‘T-too much…’ she whined, nuzzling into Elijah’s neck and holding onto him tightly.

‘Too much? Too Much?’ Klaus asked, teasingly as he crawled back up her body, kissing over her shoulders. ‘Well if that’s too much, you’re about to be in trouble Bunny.’ Suddenly her body was completely turned around, Klaus now pressing his lips to hers as Elijah sat her up and held her back to his chest. Elijah used her slick from her previous orgasm to spread over his cock as Klaus lined his cock up with her pussy and thrust his hips up, bottoming out immediately making her cry out, arms wrapping around his neck tightly as she trembled.

‘Gentle Niklaus, our Princess is giving herself to us, the least we can do is handle her with care.’ He half teased and half scolded.

‘My Bunny is loving every second of my cock in her tight little cunt, aren’t you Bunny?’ Y/n whined before nodding her head into his neck where she held him tightly.

‘Please move?’ She begged but Klaus just shook his head.

‘Not yet love, we need to give Elijah a chance to join in.’ Her eyes flew open as she seemed to suddenly understand what he means and she began pulling back, making Klaus hold her to his chest tightly.

‘Come now Princess, we know you’ve done this before-‘

‘With One Guy! Not This! I don’t-‘ Klaus cut her off with his lips against hers roughly , thrusting up into her and silencing her complaints.

‘If you can tell me you don’t want this, and be convincing, then we will stop right now.’ Elijah promised and she just whined, knowing she had dreamed of exactly this position one too many times, he often enjoyed watching her dreams and they were almost always wet dreams about the both of them.

‘Hurry up brother, I will not wait forever.’ Klaus growled, pulling her as close as he could and pressing his lips to hers again which she tried to focus on as she was so over stimulated already upon feeling Elijah’s cock pressing against her hole. He pushed his hips forward and stretched her out slowly, pausing as she whined before continuing, pressing his lips to the back of her neck to comfort her.

‘Just let me in Princess, you know you want to.’ He teased, rolling his hips as he felt her try and relax her body again, shoving the last 2 inches into her tight hole and hearing her squeal. ‘Are you alright?’ She nodded into Klaus’ chest just before the Hybrid thrust his hips up, causing her to move on Elijah’s cock as well which made her cry out quite loudly.

‘There’s our girl, scream for us Bunny!’ She cried out again into his neck and they both loved her loud reactions. Elijah was pushing into her hard now, already fucking her ass harder than the only other guy that ever did it.

‘Fuck Elijah!’

‘That’s right Princess, squeezing my cock so Goddamn tight! I knew you would love this, your ass is so perfect, how could she not love my cock?’ Elijah was practically needy to know that he makes her feel better than that idiot that fucked her before.

‘Fuck! Please-Ah!’

‘That’s a good girl. Cum for us Bunny, I know you want to. Want us to fill your tight little holes more than they ever have been before. Cum!’ Klaus growled into her throat and just as their girl wailed, they buried their fangs into her flesh once again, the both of them cumming hard into her sore holes. Something about knowing that their girl was more fucked out and full than she had ever been before was almost enough to make them cum again.

As her breathing and heart rate began to slow they both pulled back, Elijah biting into Klaus’ neck roughly to start the blood flow before pressing Y/n’s lips against the bloody bite mark. ‘That’s a good girl, drink for us Princess, drink nice and deep.’

‘Fuck Bunny! Already such sharp teeth!’ Klaus grunted, feeling her bite her dull teeth against the open wound to keep it from closing quickly. ‘Such a good girl.’ He moaned, loving the feeling of her biting into him, desperate for more of his blood.

‘We love you Princess, and when you wake up you’ll be all ours…for the rest of eternity.’ Elijah spoke, Y/n finally pulling away and allowing them to see her, Klaus’ blood dripping down her chin.

‘Going to make such a gorgeous vampire, aren’t you precious?’ She nodded, holding onto Klaus and pressing her lips to his just as Elijah took her neck in his hands and twisted as gently as he could.

They quickly cleaned her and themselves up, Klaus dressing her while Elijah went and fetched a few blood bags, laying beside their girl as they waited for her to wake up into their eternity together.

Elijah Mikaelson Masterlist

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

[kryptonitejelly]

HONEYMOON FLY!BOY JAKE!!!!

it is honeymoon flyboy!jake

ugh to be walking around the streets of Italy with him 😭 in summer. it’ll be so warm that all you living in are thin sundresses, that have jake constantly touching some part of you - because you look equal parts sinful and equal parts like an absolute dream. he’ll have his arm wrapped around yours constantly, or around you, or shamelessly throwing a squeeze to your ass - because Italian man be damned, Jake was happy for them to look, but touching or approaching absolutely off limits.

you wanting all the gelato in the world, but deciding half a cup in that it’s too cold for your teeth and palming the cup off to your husband who chuckles because he knows this is going to happen and just accepts it.

nights with jake sitting on some sort of terrace or on a cosy restaurant at the edge of cobblestoned streets, sipping on ice cold prosecco and splitting the most satisfying plate of pasta, or a pizza between you both. topped off with an assortment of antipasti, cold cuts, sun dried tomatos, olives.

jake will be in a tshirt, shorts and sneakers in the day - always with the shades and cap, and you absolutely find yourself adoring it because he looks good in his flight suit and uniform (basically everything or nothing) but something about him so dressed down makes you 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 because this is jake, just your jake - at easy, himself, and those tight tshirts well, you aren’t complaining.

or evenings when he is in a linen shirt of sorts, one too many buttons open - not something you can hate either.

or, or, days at the beach where your husband’s body is just on bull display, abs rippling in the sun. you see all the italian ladies looking on, and so does jake - but all that makes him do is pull you from your beach chair and onto hips lap; leans up to kiss you, as his fingers duck beneath the strings holding your bikini bottoms together at the sides - he mouths at your neck, gaze falling on the people darting glances towards both of you. his way of telling the world that you are his and he, is yours.

and of course, the honeymoon sex - sex with jake is always mindblowing, but the honeymoon sex, boy does he take his time to savour you. slow, languid thrusts, letting you take your time to ride him at your own pace the sheets pooled around your waist, eating you out and make sure you cum at least twice on his mouth before he even enters you. there would for sure be days when most of your day is spent the both of you just naked and in bed, you thoroughly fucked out but your body always ready for more of jake.

i can see jake throwing toys into the mix because the man isn’t insecure in the slightest and honestly just wants you to experience maximum amounts of pleasure.

touches in the restaurant or bar, his hand sneaking up your dress, fingers skimming over your underwear, thumb brushing against your breasts from over your thin sundresses. your hand palming his bulge through his shorts.

and of course there is the fucking you over the balcony of your hotel, dress up and bunched around your hips, underwear pushed to a side, breasts almost spilling out of your dress.

ugh, to be on honeymoon with flyboy!jake 😮‍💨

[theloveoffootball10]

sᴛɪᴄᴋᴡɪᴛᴜ - ᴛ ᴡ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ ʏ

m a s t e r l i s t

ᴛ ᴡ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ ʏ

Arriving in Italy I can't wait to get to the track, I don't want to be presumptuous so I've booked my own hotel room or rather Chelsea has sorted me a room with the team but I'm desperate to see Lando. The way we left things last weekend was so perfect, I want to carry that into this weekend as well.

Thanks to a flight delay I arrive at the paddock just after the start of qualifying so it's pretty quiet with the media already getting the photos they need earlier today. No matter how today goes Lando and I have already decided we're going out for some proper Italian food tonight and I can't wait to eat my body weight in pasta.

"Lucía you made it! Lando said you were delayed!" Alex shouts from across the paddock as she's making her way to the Ferrari garage.

"I was but I was always going to make it before the end of qualifying no matter what" I can deal with missing practice however I couldn't forgive myself if I missed qualifying.

"We should go for a couple of drinks tomorrow after the race either just us or with Charles and Lando!" Since we met in Miami Alex and I have text a lot and I really like her. Out of all of the girls in the paddock she's the one I've clicked with the most.

"Yes we should! I'll text you to arrange somewhere" saying a quick goodbye to Alex I make my way to the McLaren garage. When I spoke to my dad about coming to Monza he was insistent that I watched a weekend from Lando's garage and Lando being who he is, didn't argue. Grabbing a headset I stand next to Max "how's it going?"

"Ah Lucía you made it! Nice to see you. He's doing good there's 8 minutes of Q1 left but he should be safe”

"Look I know we got off on the wrong foot and I don't think I ever apologised but I'm going to swallow my pride and tell you I'm sorry for how I acted in the middle of the paddock Max" after speaking to Liv I realise things between her and Max could potentially be quite serious and I want to support my best friend the way she has me.

"You don't need to apologise. I can't lie I had my doubts about you but naturally Lando didn't want to know and I was also wrong about you. I want to set the record straight though, after I met Liv I completely ended things with Becca, we haven’t spoken since then" Max explains, his side of the story matching exactly what Liv told me.

"I believe you Max. All I ask is that you don't hurt her. She's been hurt before and it nearly broken her, she's the closest I have to a sister and I don't want to see her that hurt again" I'm not unreasonable I just want Liv to be happy and treated how she should be treated

"Likewise" I watch as Max turns to one of the mechanics in the garage whispering to him despite the noise from the track outside. Turning my attention back to the screen I watch as Lando sails through Q1.

"Lando, the garage have asked me to let you know Lucía has arrived in the last few minutes" I hear Will saying over the radio.

"Hi baby" I can hear the smile on Lando's face as he replies to Will's message. Turning to Max I give him a look.

"Don't give me that look your boyfriend is pretty fucking insistent when he wants to be"

"Thanks Max" I can't take the smile off my face now Lando knows I've made it.

Watching as the clock ticks down to the end of Q3 I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as no one is quicker than Lando. For a second week in a row he's starting the race from pole position. I'm so happy for him I turn to hug Max both of us beaming with pride.

"That's how it's done boys! Go on, find him I know he'll be looking for you" Max ushers me to find Lando but I know I have to wait until after his interview. Standing at the front of the garage I keep out of the mechanics way while I wait for Lando. As he makes his way down the pit lane I can tell he's spotted me by the way helmet and everything ends up on the floor, I also notice Alesha the F1 TV host trying to stop him but he's got tunnel vision right now.

"Pole position baby!" I smile wrapping my arms around Lando's neck as his arms hold my waist tight "I can't wait to see you turn pole position into P1 Lando!" I can't help but kiss Lando my hands on his cheeks holding him. This is what weekends are about for me.

"I want to do it for you. My good luck charm" as Lando lowers his racing suite I can't help but run my fingers over the muscles in his back. "Come with me while I get my pole ring fit. I want you there" agreeing with Lando I follow him to the office where the jeweller is waiting to size the ring that will be specially fit for Lando.

As Lando tries on different mock ups of the ring he'll be getting I bite my lip. I already think he has thick fingers but seeing a ring on his index finger makes it look thicker.

"What do you think baby? Index or middle finger?" Lando asks me as the jeweller stands up leaving us alone for a second.

"Which ever one you prefer but" leaning down so only Lando can hear me I whisper "either way I'd like you to finger me when you're wearing it"

"Fuck baby you can't talk to me like that when we're here" Lando looks at me alarmed and I know what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying" standing up straight as the jeweller comes back I act completely normal. He doesn't need to know what thoughts are running through my mind.

The next day I'm stood in the garage as we prepare for the race to start. I've already been to see my dad to wish him luck but it's a strange feeling not watching from his garage. I guess from now on my time is going to be split between both garages.

As we hear Crofty's famous "it's lights out and away we go" I hold my breath hoping Lando can keep his lead, everyone is making a big deal of him not finishing a lap leading when he starts from pole and I know it's bothering him.

I let out an audible gasp as Piastri goes around the outside of Lando causing him to break to avoid a collision, he wasn't expecting that move from his team mate. Muttering fuck under my breath so only Max and I can hear I'm going to be nervous for the rest of the race now.

"He'll be fuming at that move"

"Max it was his only option. If he didn't break they'd have crashed and both been out of the race" I can't believe that has happened. With every radio message from Lando or lack of, I can feel his annoyance building. By the end of the race he just isn't answering Will at all.

Despite being P3 and securing another podium Lando's face tells a totally different story. He's barely speaking to anyone and the way he's throwing everything around tells me he's in a vile mood. If this is how he is now I dread to think what he must have been like after Austria. As we watch the footage of the cool down room Lando is sat with his head in his hands biting his nails.

"Just to warn you Lucía he's going to be in a rotten mood probably for the rest of the day now" Max tells me as we leave for the podium.

"I gathered that. Just how bad do you think it'll be?" I ask having never seen Lando in a bad mood yet.

"He's going to be angry at himself, the team, Oscar and probably you for no reason. The best advice I can give you is to not take anything he says personally" great. Max is really selling an angry Lando to me right now. As Lando makes his way to the podium I can see the rage radiating from him, he doesn't want to be there right now. When he's handed the trophy the grimace on his face does nothing to hide his mood. There's no champagne pop and he's completely avoiding Oscar like the plague. The first opportunity he gets he's walking away from the podium.

"I'm going to try and catch him before he goes into interviews" I tell Max before weaving my way through the crowd who are all celebrating Charles and Ferrari's home win. As I walk through the McLaren motor home I spot Lando throwing his podium cap onto a table and about to run up the stairs to his drivers room "Lando wait there"

"What?" Lando turns to look at me but keeps walking.

"I'm sorry that didn't go how you want it to" following Lando I put my hand on the door stopping him from closing it in my face "don't push me away"

"Lucía I don't know what the fuck you want me to say"

"Babe you don't have to say anything just let me be here for you" I say pulling Lando into a cuddle which he thankfully reciprocates. The mood he's in I half expected him to push me away, I think I might have been less surprised if he did.

"Today has been a disaster" what I've noticed about Lando is that when something gets him down he catastrophises. Running my fingers through Lando's hair I make him look at me.

"I know it wasn't what you expected from today but remember you put up a brilliant fight and still came away with a podium and points. I'm proud of you regardless and you need to be proud of yourself"

"You have no idea what I should be feeling" before I can respond we're interrupted by a knock on the door which Lando opens to see his PR manager Sophie waiting for him.

"You need to be in the media pen in the next 5 minutes. Sorry to interrupt you both" Sophie says with a guilty look on her face.

"It's fine Soph we're done here for now anyway" Lando says walking past me and Sophie. I'm dumbfounded. I know he's upset but this behaviour is insane.

"Sorry Lucía I didn't mean to ruin whatever was going on"

"Don't worry about it Sophie. Apparently we were done anyway" I say with a shrug as we make our way back into the paddock, me looking to find Max and Sophie to follow Lando. I stop in my tracks as I spot Lando with Alesha laughing and joking. My blood boils and it takes everything for me to hold back saying exactly what I think. He's completely cold with me but jokes on with her, regardless of his mood this man is rubbing me the wrong way.

"Lando move we have places to be" Sophie practically shouts putting an end to Lando and Alesha's conversation, somehow I think she sensed my annoyance at the scene in front of us.

The next few hours don't get any better. Lando is still in a foul mood and barely says a word in the car back to his hotel. I want to be nice about this but I'm struggling.

"Talk to me babe" I say walking into Lando's hotel room with him. He's pretty much left the track as soon as his debrief is done and I know it's going to be a long night until my flight home.

"I don't want to talk to you or anyone about today" Lando says with an attitude I've never heard so harsh from him as he throws his phone and hoodie on the bed.

"Whoa I know you're annoyed but what did I do?" I completely understand Lando's frustration but it's unacceptable for him to take it out on me.

"You're just so fucking involved it's pissing me off. You think you know everything when you know Jack shit. You're pissing me off Lucía"

"Are you serious right now? I know the team have fucked up today but that's not on me!" I can already tell his is going to end in a major row. It has been brewing since the end of the race. Lando is angry and the way he's behaving towards me is making me angry.

"No but you're the one who hasn't stopped being annoying since"

"Fuck me I'm trying to be supportive and this is the thank you I get. Lando if you don't want me here just fucking say and I'll get an earlier flight! You can text that slut Alesha I'm sure she'll comfort you without being annoying" I can't help but raise my voice, it's what I do when I get angry it's part of who I am. I always take things too far and I never learn. I know I shouldn't have brought up Alesha but she's got under my skin, she's flirted with Lando all weekend especially today and he's done very little to stop her.

Not saying anything Lando pulls his polo top over his head and that action alone shows me how angry he is as he walks into the bathroom slamming the door. Is he serious right now? Hearing the shower I wait it out to see what mood Lando comes back in hoping he'll calm down.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you said you're going home early so I can't invite Alesha over" hearing the tone in Lando's voice I'm so done with him.

"Do you know what I'm fucking going. You're acting like an absolute cunt and I'm not here to be spoken to like a piece of shit. I’m not a doormat Lando, you’re not going to walk all over me and get away with it. I'll see you when I see you dickhead" picking my bag up off the bed I storm out of Lando's hotel room slamming the door behind me. I don't expect him to come after me, we're both far too angry for that. I don't cry either, I'm far too angry for that. Rather than involve everyone and make things worse I do the only thing that makes sense and I grab an Uber to the airport. I might have four hours to wait until my flight takes off but going home is the best thing for me right now.

[kingofthering]

charlos + jealous

“Okay but that’s so stupid. He’s throwing a fit because she talked to her ex? Like, she was just showing him the house and being polite, who gets jealous because of that?”

“Well, people on reality TV shows, obviously,” Carlos says as he watches Charles frown at the TV, his hands going up in the air when the argument keeps on going (and getting increasingly ridiculous, in Carlos’ opinion).

Carlos can’t even remember whether they’re watching “Too Hot Too Handle” or “The Perfect Match” or another one of the bazillion dating shows that Netflix seems to have now but it doesn’t matter much. Charles keeps complaining about how stupid the participants all are but he keeps eating it all up and coming back for more anyway.

The fleece blanket slips from his legs and Carlos reaches down to readjust it, tucking it safely under his knee and making sure that Charles’ feet are still safely kept warm. Italy can get cold in February but they both enjoy a good snuggle, it’s fine.

They had dinner together earlier after a day spent in the sim. They have tomorrow free so they opened a bottle of red wine to go with their pasta, bottle now sitting on the living room table with their glasses, Netflix playing in the background.

“Please, if I ever get jealous for something so stupid, you need to give me a reality check,” Charles says as he finally turns his head in Carlos’ direction. Carlos is already looking, he looks at Charles way more than he looks at the TV when they have those kinds of nights but he promises he’s listening and mostly keeping track of who’s having a fight with who.

“You would never,” Carlos says as he licks his thumb and leans forward to rub away a little wine stain at the corner of Charles’ lips. “But yeah, sure. I’ll do that.”

Charles blinks at Carlos before closing the distance between them and giving him a quick peck before drawing back, grabbing a pillow by his side to hug against his chest. “Good.”

It was the obvious answer to give but Carlos means it. He knows that Charles has it in him to be jealous when it concerns Carlos. He’s noticed Charles being more possessive of him (a hand on his waist or his arm, assertive sometimes borderline mean words) when people were onto him too much (a woman laughing too close to him at a PR event, a man getting in Carlos’ space at a club) but it had never been overly stupid, in Carlos’ opinion.

“Same for me, eh?” Carlos jostles Charles just a little, his attention already back on the screen where two candidates whose names Carlos can’t remember for the life of him are having a date on the beach.

“Hm?” Charles asks and Carlos just looks at him, flicking his eyes at the TV once. “Oh, the jealousy thing?” He laughs a little. “I don’t think you would either but yes, of course.” He reaches for Carlos’ hand and kisses his knuckles once before focusing on the show again.

Carlos’ hand stays in Charles’ hand and Carlos’ eyes stay on Charles.

Charles’ words are nice to hear and obviously, Carlos likes to think them true now that they’re both secure in their relationship. 

It still sends him back to the beginning, before they were properly together, when Carlos kept flirting with Charles and Charles just kept answering with the most confusing of signals. As it turned out, Charles was just really bad at reading clues and he didn’t realize Carlos was into him. Couldn’t fathom it, really. 

What an idiot.

It all feels silly now, years later, when they’re snuggling on a couch, sharing a bottle of wine and watching stupid TV together. And Carlos may have suffered a little when Charles went dancing with someone else after laughing at one of Carlos’ jokes with Carlos’ hands on him and Carlos may not understand what the fuck is going on in the weird ceremony that Charles is paying way too much attention to right now, but he wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

[laferocia]

Mike Patton speaking italian: birthday edition

So today is Mike's birthday and I'll celebrate with some quick translation.

Video 1: Tomahawk, Milan, 2013.

Milano, tutto a posto? Bene. Siete molto ma molto gentili per un gruppo da spalla! Min 0:29: lui pensa che stavo parlando della pasta... Eh già! Insomma, questo è un chill! Un pezzo chill, hai capito? (he said it in a Neapolitan accent, LOL). Chill! (a guy in the audience answered "agg capit", in Neapolitan way). Sai cosa vuol dire? Tranquillo! (again, same accent). Va bene? Dai, NIN, (something I didn't get), minchia! Per adesso, fucking chill motherfuckes!

Milan, everything okay? Great. You're really nice with a support band! At 0:29: he thinks I was talking about pasta... Oh yeah! So, this is a chill! A chill song, you got it? Chill! Do you know what it means? Relax! Okay? Come on, NIN, fuck! For now, fucking chill, motherfuckers!

Video 2: mix of epic stuff

0:03: Mike, piacere // Mike, nice to meet you (you can find the whole translation of that video here)

0:05: La fica! // The pussy! (He was in Brazil and "fica" is a conjugation of the verb "ficar", I guess. As you can see, in italian "fica" or "figa" has another meaning eheheheh).

0:06: Lui sta dicendo che vuole un cazzone! He is saying he wants a big cock! (you can find the whole translation of that video here)

0:08: Fica fica fica fica! // Pussy pussy pussy pussy!

0:10: Io mangio la merda del papa // I eat the pope's shit.

0:15: Ah si vede che sei intenditore! // You can tell he's a connoisseur!

0:17: Cazzarola! // As I've already said in the translation of this specific video, it's a term we use to say "cazzo" (=dick, but in the meaning of "fuck!") but in a less vulgar way. It's not really a swear word; in central Italy, "cazzarola" means "pot".

0:20: È un pochetto, un pochino diversa! // It is a bit different!

0:22: Negroni, grappa, Martini (3 famous italian alcoholic drinks; I love those "sì" in the middle)

0:26: È un bel lavoro! // It's quite a job!

0:29: Pirla! // Pirla! (It's a typical Milanese insult, and it roughly means "stupid". Plural or singular, it is always "pirla").

0:31: siamo contentissimi di essere qua // We are very happy to be here.

0:33: 'sti cazzo di Milanesi! // These fucking milanese people!

0:34: sì, tipo, sì// Yeah, I mean, yeah.

0:36: devi imparare, cazzo! // You have to learn it, damn it!

0:41: magari cresce un po' così! // Maybe it grows a bit like this.

0:43: ma va a cagare! (I can translate it with "Fuck off" or "go to hell" but it litelly means "Go and take a shit". We use it a lot)

0:45: daje daje milanesi! Come on, Milanesi! ("Daje" is absolutely Roman style. It has many uses, but most commonly, it's a way to say 'come on').

0:47: mi han detto che...// They told me that...

0:48: Cazzarola!

0:49: sì sì mi ricordo // yeah yeah I remember that!

0:50: volete Vasco Rossi // You want Vasco Rossi (again, as I've already said in the translation of this specific video, Vasco Rossi is a famous Italian rock star, but he is controversial because he hasn't done anything significant since at least 1998. Mike knows that metalheads hate Vasco).

0:57: è proprio un idolo // He is truly an idol (he was talking about Demetrio Stratos, I'm quite sure Mike doesn't like Vasco, LOL)

0:58: dai un po' d'Eros, cazzo! // Come on, a bit of Eros, damn! (Eros Ramazzotti is a popular italian pop singer. By the way, I'm not sure about exactly what he said, but he was definitely talking about Ramazzotti).

[eowynstwin]

this is me asking for the monastery gelato story :)

I feel like this might be underwhelming lmao. So in May 2018, I went on a month-long study abroad trip to Florence, Italy to make art, eat pasta, and as it turned out sweat my ass off because Europe for some reason does not believe in the miracle of air conditioning.

The curriculum was VERY rigorous, not just academically but also physically by necessity of the fact that we had to walk fucking everywhere to get literally anywhere. I walked all over central Florence to get to museums, art galleries, various historical sites, and the international art school hosting us for in-studio classes.

One of the historical sites we visited was San Miniato al Monte, and I figured out the hard way that "al Monte" meant "at the top of a big fuckoff hill".

This is not my photo. The phone I took all my photos with for this trip shat itself in Venice when I left it next to a running sink. I have very few photos of this entire trip, and none of this story.

Luckily, we had a bus to drive us there! Just kidding. The bus took us from the station and deposited us at what I swear to god was the very base of the hill. We proceeded to walk up that hill for the next forty-five minutes.

Here's a fun fact about me: the heat makes my brain melt. I think it's an autistic thing. My brain also doesn't function when I'm hypoglycemic, which in Italy I always was because I'm a sensitive eater and didn't have enough time to figure out any safefoods (which I'll point out that at the time I didn't know was something I could or should do). Likely at that point in the day all I had eaten was a croissant and an espresso.

So I don't actually remember a lot about this day trip. I remember sweating like a whore in church (ha, get it, because it's a church), I remember a graveyard with old weathered statues, and getting eaten alive by mosquitos. We went inside, and I vaguely remember the interior.

Fun fact about churches in Italy, you have to cover your shoulders if you're a woman. I have a corny Venezia scarf from that trip to Venice that I had to buy last minute. But that's a story for another time!

So, after we got the tour we were set free to explore the grounds. Personally, I was not interested in exploring the grounds, on account of being near death by way of mosquitos and starvation and sweating every fluid from every pore. So I went to the gift shop. It was the only air conditioned building in the vicinity.

I remember there being a gorgeous rosebush outside the shop, heavy with pink blooms. I distinctly remember snapping a photo of the biggest of them, but that photo is lost to time and Apple products' vulnerability to singular drops of water. Before the gelato, that rose was the best part of my day--I've always loved flowers, and even when you're tired and hungry a pretty rose is going to remind you that life is not in fact horrible.

In the gift shop were displays of handmade little gifts directly from the monks that lived in the monastery. Little ceramic doodads and figurines, all hand painted and signed, lined the shelves, and in one corner of the shop was a waist-high freezer filled with plastic-capped paper cups.

I remember the pattern around the cups was green and pink and probably floral. I was of course minutes from death so I picked out the one that looked the fullest. It did not look impressive--just some chocolate ice cream, about the same size as little single serve cups you can get at Walmart or any gas station.

I paid maybe two euro for it, bought a little ceramic ewer to go with it (I don't have a picture of it but I'll post one later if I can find the thing), and found somewhere on the grounds to sit and eat.

I am an ex-Baptist and very passionate about that. I do not believe in the Christian god nor any of its associated divinity. But reader, when I took that first bite of gelato, Jesus Christ Himself floated down on a shaft of sunlight to stroke the hair away from my face and smile at me in the way a gentle parent might. The best ice cream I had ever eaten did not compare to how good this gelato was, on that hot Italian morning, in a quiet, weathered graveyard, with a rosebush swaying nearby in a breeze that finally seemed to be picking up.

I had gelato many, many times again on that trip--even from a very famous gelateria, Amorino, that you will probably find all over social media because they sculpt flowers out of gelato on a cone.

Not my picture. Venice must always have its pound of flesh. Apple products are more suicidal than lemmings.

But nothing, not a single scoop, compared to that little paper cup of gelato. I will likely never be able to find that gelato again, because to be candid I'm not even totally sure it was the San Miniato monastery we went to. Time, mental illness, and trauma have stolen a lot of memories from me. But I will never forget that little moment of piece and sweetness for as long as I live.

[traceofexistence]

as someone who is both diabetic and on a diet currently, here some truths

if you need to lost 10~20 kilos the process will be SLOWER and harder. than when you have to lose let's say 100 kilos.

your age matters also, the older you are the harder you lose weight.

I'm in need to lose 15~20 kilos at the moment. I will be losing about ~1 kilo per week, and some weeks I wont lose any, the target is 3-4 kilos per month.

the slower you lose, the easier to maintain later.

3 key factors with diet is moderation, food combinations, multiple meals along the day

moderation of course has to do with portions, and how much of something you use in your food.

combinations are so important, for example if you have meat in your meal, combine it with a salad/veggies, and not with pasta, or potatoes, or bread.

meat is a really good source of protein and energy and it helps with diets because you dont feel hunger.

with diets you shouldn't feel hungry.

and that's where multiple meals comes in

every good diet suggests 5 meals per day (breakfast - snack - lunch - snak - dinner)

very important, eat bread in moderation, if you have diabetes, try to avoid it all together, unless it's whole grains or whatever. but if you just diet, try to eat less bread, because bread bloats.

when my doctor gave me the list with what it's okay to eat, and what I should either cut out or minimize in my diet, he said one thing to me:

"cook your food the way you used to, just avoid certain things that tingle your diabetes" his philosophy was that diet shouldn't feel like a chore, but you should still be able to enjoy eating, because especially for diabetics the things you can eat simply decreases so if what remains is not cooked to be delicious, who is gonna want to eat it. so the diet fails.

the other day I had artichokes grilled in the oven with just oil and salt and pepper, and they were the most delicious food in existence (though im biased as I love artichokes)

for recipes I would suggest to look up Mediterranean cousin spain, italy, greece, turkiye. those cousins have many balanced recipes many with veggies and beans etc, that taste incredibly good, and they are not complicated to make.

try to avoid processed foods, the fresher your food the easier it makes your diet.

also another keys point

dont stress about it

there are days you wont lose any, there are days you will gain even.

dont calculate calories too much.

dont step on the scale all the time. once a week is enough.

if your friends asked you out on a saturday night to eat burgers, go and eat them, and you will make an effort the following days.

alcohol is not your friend, a lot of weight gaining comes from alcohol.

do not guild yourself and dont allow others to guild you about what and how much you ate.

stressing out and being unhappy, doesn't help you metabolize what you eat at all.

dont let others dictate how you diet.

and last but not least

cravings are the worst. you will have them, and sometimes you will need to get that fucking chocolate bar down your throat. as long as you are able to resist most of the times, you are fine. you are allowed to have sweets after all even as a diabetic. just again in moderation.

guilt and stress dont help

enjoying your meal, and filling content after it is what helps ;)

I know this is a tiny part of the wider problems born of diet culture, fatphobia, classicism, and racism but like god the idea that "healthy" food must inherently taste bad has completely ruined us as a society.

[hauntingthechateau]

Saturday November 18th

Cold and drizzling with a couple downpours, high of 10 low of 4

Got up at regular time and headed straight to the Chateau to grab an early breakfast. The last of the sunrise was coming down so despite the damp I sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful misty morning. Dusty came and sat with/on me for a while and gave me a brief fight when he decided my braid might be a cat toy. I did my journaling on my phone while I waited for our ride to Troyes.

A pleasant train in (about 50 minutes) and I read a book on it. Arrived and as I walked away from the train station I fell more and more in love with Troyes! It looked at first like a typical french town, but then the closer you got to the old centre, there were old half timber houses everywhere! I zoomed my way to see the three main churches first Église Sainte-Madeleine, Basilique Saint-Urbain and Cathédrale Saint-Pierre Saint-Paul. Sainte-Madeleine had a beautiful 16th century rood screen that was just magnificent! Sadly, even though all these churches were built in the 13th century, they don't really have any medieval art in them 😔 Saint-Pierre did have a room of relics and treasures, some medieval, but very few. I think for medieval sightseeing, Italy is still definitely the place to go.

Hit the Hôtel de Vauluisant before lunch (things close for lunch here), a small public history museum with some 16th century paintings, sculpture and stained glass, and then the second half of the museum dedicated for Troyes having been the Hosiery manufactory capital of France for a good while. Small museum, didn't take too long in it.

Headed to the Reulles des Chats next and AHHHHHH its all just cute I just want to live in this part of town and weave through all the adorable little alleyways and eat the wonderful food and AHHHHH I love it here! Met up with Genna for lunch and ran into Claudio who joined us. Chose a place in advanced knowing it has ample outdoor dining. Had a wonderful beef tartare provençal with goat cheese and herbs and a side of shoestring fries and a beer. Really perfect lunch, we parted ways and went off to do more of our own things.

Maison de l'Outil was up next for me, a large 1550s half timber residence and garden that has been turned into a museum of handtools! Really interesting concept for a museum and the displays were GORGEOUS, I only wish they were a little better labeled (although nothing was older than 1600, so whatever). Nothing was in English so I was using google lens to translate everything which drained my phone, so by the end of the museum I was just looking at things. Pretty to look at though and a nice building to boot!

Wandered around for a bit before heading to a bar to sit down, enjoy a beer and charge my phone before it was time to go back to the train. Eve joined me near the end and we headed back to the station together, where we ran into everyone else.

Train ride back was quiet and quick, made it back home to the Chateau around 6:30 where we loitered until dinnertime.

It was Missy's birthday today, so tonight we celebrate!!! For dinner lasagne, green salad, chickpea and avocado salad and cabbage, orange and hazlenut salad. I ate sooo much salad, but that lasagna is the real star, the bechamel sauce and the meat sauce don't fuck around and the pasta is thick and chewy and tastes fresh 🖤 For dessert of course we had cake!! Tonight a beautiful three chocolate mouse cake with a crispy wafer layer that was just FANTASTIC! Straight from the patisserie this one! I sat with Missy at dinner and talked and talked and talked well after dinner. Chef Lorine caught me mooning over the plate and sent me home with a couple slices for a midnight snack 😈

Walked home with my cake and had a good read before bed. 10/10 day. Face hurts from smiling.

[c03xistentw01]

yo

ayo i goooootta write i gootata write.

Its kinda embarrassing now idk what to say. so today when it was raining and i was walking in portello towards mensa with michele and we were both under the same umbrella guess whom i saw yes ofc the one i always see alone when im with michele: Giorgio. He always has this worried/upset look that I think stems from a lack of friends to hang out with on a saturday night. He seems quite harmless tho. anyway.

during lunch michele kept asking me about traditional ways of eating/dining in iran. he was like so do u guys have actual traditional meals i was like yea there are like stews with rice. he was like so is it just that? how about desserts? how about drinking coffee after/before meal? how about aperitivo before a meal? what are the products that we here in italy imported from "your country"? at some point he was like so yea this one time i was out i had this saffronish dessert with some marmelatta on top of it or he also said one time (or maybe some time when he goes out for eating) he might order some pasta and idk tbh? i lowkey felt like after the dessert thing he kinda expected me to be like so yea btw where was that one place to went to for the saffronish dessert? and he would like oh yea it was xxx i be like oh damn fr? he be like yea fr if u want we can go together once and and and andd....wow. people are actually patient with what they want? like are we sure that they exist? [yes. u just saw one today.] so like.....people don't just give u a poem they wrote for u 2 weeks ago on the first time of hanging out? like oh bro fr? deymn brother.

i miss you. ehem ehem.

anyway. i went to the lab afterwards. but no.

before that i went to math and it was a rainy day. at the entrance i saw soldier looking at his broken umbrella with so much confusion. swinging the bare empty handle in the air. all accompanied with so much confusion. the whole time i was looking at him i was about to throw up cuz he so damn adorable its unbelievable.

after that i went to lab and after making myself promise that when stefano was like yes for the meeting "absolutely" I'll be there today in the lab, it means that he would "absolutely" be there so imma wait until as late as it can get just to get answers. and i did and i was blessed with his emergence. he had his umbrella or hat or sth in his hand. he said "hiiii" with a really lovely tone tbfr and was like "i put this (pointed at this hat/umbrella) for a second then I'll come back" and he legit did come back in a second. he came and sat next to me and bro has zero notion of personal distance (which ehem ehem tbfr? kinda um? kinda um felt kinda um? NoIcEEEehemhehmhem?) anyway bro legit came sit like a hurricane and got too close his legs were touching mine and imagine me who's always overwhelmed over simple fucking existence of mere beings, was trying to run the fucking tiago shit. which i did in the end. tbr at first i tried to move away my legs away a bit because i was like maybe he did it cuz he dont have enough space left so i did it move my legs away but my BRO IT DID NOT WORK? so then i thought ok maybe if i continue doing it he be thinking this one lil weirdo is doing wtf? so i stopped and tried to focus on the tiago shit. i dont remember much more. he was like ok do this do that he gave me the big image of my thesis once more in detail and then said something like that what u achieved until now with moving the whole robot and shit is good and all dont panic and all u aint no behind my child. and was like the lil reports u send every now and then are good keep doing those they will come in hand when u wanna write the thesis itself. and bro. when we were talking while seated, i felt weird about his head. like his head and hands looked way bigger when up close. and also eyes ehem eheme ehemehere. i couldn't tell whether they green or brown or hazel.

yea that was it. lowkey intense. u can use that as the starting point for a future hentai plot.

also on the way out i almost bumped into daniel (fusaro). he said oh scusa...ciao!!! (cuz he saw me leaving) i said ciao but then i saw him bumping into the open window and dropping his notebook on the floor i turned back and was looking at him he said a posto i smiled he left. u know what i like? the fact that he felt the need to reassure me that it/he era a posto. man how much i liked that.

[update]: HELP. my virgin-ass has not been having it AT ALL OK? I can so NOT pretend like I did not get turned on. ok? I've legit had 4 0rga3mz in the last 36 hours and I'm just...helpless. I was trying my best not to google you. AND not to daydream which i successfully FAILED at both. so apparently u were doing your [continuous?] master's at Polimi from 2011 until 2017 so that makes you 31/2ish? you went to EPFL and ETH Zurich ... oh fuck it. i just learned on my intensive Facebook cyberstalking journey that you are in a relationship (and seem to have been since around 2011ish?) and tomorrow when i regain my emotional strength I'll get back here (i go die slowly, thinking of how you were playing table tennis naked).

anyway. what i mainly wanted to say is that the fact that you were so comfortable being physically close to me stems from (as a result of at least 48 hours of intensive deep analytical-hierarchical reasoning) the fact that you are so highly sure of YOURSELF that it can not possibly even BEGIN TO MEAN anything to you. While me, on the other hand, was so acutely unsure of myself that i kept keeping my distance. but hey, it could be worse. I will still have (hopefully) such small physical interactions that well, as we all know by now, can not mean shit to you and to me, they have the full potential to brighten up even just a bit, this current doom and gloom era of my life. I think I do feel privileged to entitle myself to seek (not desperately) this occasional pleasure. To not essentially feel the closeness, but to notice myself enjoying the satisfaction of adoring you under the hood. [update]: I was so sad a while back i wanted to be shredded to pieces and vanish into thin air. I wanna let go of fear so bad but the more you try to run away from it the more it catches you instead. Ethical or fucking not, we are declared fully free to think whatever thought we want right? This weekend I felt loved and thrilled to the core. I felt loved because I felt like I could simulate what it could be like to receive it from you. I kept tweaking the parameters in my head to align my imagination with the "most probable" scenario. It was an oscillatory stochastic process but it was worth it, i enjoyed the short ride, with "you". The memories of the brief frenzy still smoothens my ever-shaky soul, puts it at ease. oh man. how many times did i imagine kissing you or nervously running my fingers on your neck grabbing your waste and feeling my legs between yours but above all, how many times did I try to make myself feel "accepted" by you? enough times i bet. no matter how free we appear to be in our own "mind castles", I was still way too unsure to give in to my vulnerabilities with you. Although I did not deprive myself from feeling like I'm a kite being flown by you. Keep flying me don't let go of the leash can't get enough of the height or the wind or the view oh the view for sure most of all . .

... scusa ma ho troppo sonno ok

[bleuberries-and-video-games]

Can I just say the condescension I felt as an American going to the Mediterranean and hearing them talk of their Mediterranean diet, and I cannot stress enough they talk about it despite it having no fucking meaning whatsoever because half of the food came from their Shore and the other half came from countries they pillaged and then made into slave states, but the condensation I felt as they talked about how healthy their diet was, when half of the food was stuff I regularly got at the store, including but not limited to:

tomatoes, cheese, rice, beans, pasta, pasta sauce, various shellfish both in and out of shell, squid, alcohol, ciabatta bread, cured meats, and leafy greens, and a fuck ton of gelato

And I cannot stress enough, truly I cannot stress enough, that these foods are not perfectly healthy for you. Of those, four are plants two are grains and starches, and a good percentage of which was either a fat or a meat, none of which are bad for you, but none of which complete your whole diet, and one of which was definitely alcohol which I shouldn't have been consuming until I was 21, and I was in fact 18.

Their diet was just food I had eaten before, in the same amount I had eaten it before, prepared in ways I had eaten it before!

The Mediterranean diet is absolutely bullshit, it is almost entirely predicated upon their health care. They live longer, not because they eat a bunch of bullshit food that supposedly makes them happy, the Mediterranean diet is just as unhealthy, if not more unhealthy, then the American diet. And if you don't believe me! Breakfast was hit or miss at best, it was bread with cured meats if there was anything served at all, which is a fuck ton of salt to eat in the morning, and honestly I balanced all of it out with the gelato. The richest thing I ate was fucking escargot in front of the papal estate, and it was less debilitating than half of the food that I ate in all of Italy. You mother fuckers lied! It's your fucking Healthcare! You have access to a doctor and it doesn't cost you literally your entire weight in money!

I told my mom that was bullshit and she couldn't believe it, and then I explained literally the logic behind it, and she had nothing to refute it. Olive oil is not generally healthier than any other oil, it's just oil, it relies on what you cook with it, and sure there's probably variance that are better for you, but it's still oil. It's not special. Neither is avocado oil! It quite literally has to do with your physiological equilibrium, which is entirely dependent upon the person that you are and the lifestyle you live, the Mediterranean diet is bullshit and anyone who touts it as a miracle diet is trying to make you lose weight to look like a European when in actuality you're going to starve yourself eating tomatoes you don't like absent the cheese and pasta you do like, making you resent a fruit that is so deliciously wholesome and wonderful that my grandpa grew in spades, all doused in a shitty olive oil absent salt, pepper, and Italian seasonings, and wonder why the fuck you hate the Mediterranean diet.

Please just give us Medicare for all, stop fucking telling us it's the Mediterranean diet, very much isn't, there is so much starch and sugar and fat in the European diet, all across europe, Americans are not anomalous, Europeans just quite literally have health care they can access anywhere at any time and they'll be fine. If we even had a modicum of that we'd be healthier!

[picklesabroad]

Bordighera with a sprinkling of Nice and Monaco

We hopped on the train to Italy, glad to be leaving Cannes and France behind. The town was tiny and beautiful, and delightfully quiet. We were staying in an old stone house in the middle of the reeds, with our own terrace. We went straight into the old town and had our first pasta meal of the trip - it was fantastic. Simple tomato sauce with a hunk of burrata (mozerella filled with soft creamy cheese curd) - we were both in heaven.

We left and wandered around town for a bit more, before finding a supermarket and getting some nibbles for tea.

We had some slow days while we were in Boridghera. We swum, had wines in the evening, read books, worked on our various projects (and my job) and got coffee at our local coffee shop. Everyone seemed to know us by the second day we were there, our coffee shop woman would shout our order gleefully at us when we walked through the door every morning, every lovely waiter we had would wave at us every time we saw him about town. It was a feeling like no other town I have been in, and we both loved it.

We had dinner out at one of the tiny restaurants in old town. We told the waiter we wanted his two favourite things, and he returned with a spare chair for our table. We were confused - had we been lost in translation? Was he joining us? No, he was bringing us a spare table for the huge slab of cheese and meat. We were both a bit drunk at this point, and were full from Aperitivo (explained later) and couldn't eat much of it, so we grabbed serviettes and took what we could home. We were trying to be secretive and cool, calm and collected, but the wait staff could see us giggling as I tried to squish a ball of mozzarella into a container containing some lollies that were lying around in the bottom of my bag. Not very cool, unfortunately .

One of the days we decided to go back to Nice. It was the day after the above dinner, and we were a bit hungover. We got on the train and went up to Nice to have a look around. Nice was... nice, and we did some shopping and then got on the tram to go back to the train station. While we were on the tram, the ticket police got on the tram and started checking everyone's tickets. We had bought tickets and had tried to scan them on the ticket machines to validate them, but the scanner wasn't working. We had had the same problem on the way down town in the tram, so we already knew it was a problem. The 'police man' (glorified mall cop - go fight some real crime????) scanned our ticket, saw we hadn't validated them so he said he would have to fine us. We said 'No, the machine isn't working'. He tried to scan our cards and saw the machines weren't working too, and proceeded to fine us 40 euros ($75 NZD) each anyway. I was so angry and repeatedly told him that this was bullshit, and this system was a fucking joke - to no avail. Sorry about the language Nana! He issued me a receipt for my 40 euro fine which I threw straight into the bin in front of him. I have never glared at anyone with such hatred in my life. WHAT. A. SCAM. Had I been in the wrong I wouldn't have minded, but we had done everything right!!!!!!!! I left Nice angry and thoroughly done with France.

We also swung by Monaco on one of the days. We stayed for about an hour, wandered around the old town for a bit, and then left. Monaco was underwhelming and it seemed like a bit of a rich people zoo, where poor people like me can go and look at rich people and their things. The one highlight was that we saw the same tourist, an older woman in her tourist cargo pants and floral shirt and visor, running in at least three different locations. It was like she was lost in old town and was looking for her tour group. Everywhere we looked there she was, running and looking lost, her sunglasses bobbing up and down on their neck strap. Like I said, not much going on in Monaco.

Aperitivo. Where to begin. Aperitivo is like happy hour, except that instead of cheap drinks, restaurants serve you with a snack alongside your drink. We had some of the best Aperitivo snacks in Bordighera - platters of meat and cheese, sandwiches with mortadella and stracciatella, potato croquettes. Delightful! All you need to do is buy a drink and out comes a plate of food too. See the pics to get the gist.

Our last day in Bordighera was spent in a very slow, slug like fashion, where we did some swimming, some eating, and some drinking. We had found a watermelon shop that served watermelon by the slice, so we each had a slice and watched the world go by. It was that night that we had our first pizza, at a terraced restaurant on the outskirts of old town. Our waitress was about 16 years old and was very confused why we had travelled all the way from New Zealaned to visit her town of Bordighera - she said "I have never heard of this happening".

We set off on the train after a lovely, restful time in Bordighera to go to... the Cinque Terre.

[writingjjfics]

Vacation with JJ

~ Headcanon (not my gif)

I just got back from Venice, Italy and I just couldn't help but think about how romantic it would be to be there with JJ 😏 Sooo enjoy this headcanon I thought of! The ending sucks I'm sorry.

You and JJ had started saving for this trip the moment you started dating.

Going to Venice was already high on both of your bucket lists, so when it came up in one of your conversations, you promised each other that you would go one day.

It wasn't your first vacation together, but it was the first vacation to Europe.

Normally you would stay a little closer to home, which made it less expensive.

But you and JJ both just graduated and earned some extra money.

So it felt like the perfect moment to have a well-deserved vacation.

Plus your parents paid for the hotel as a graduation gift and gave you some extra money to spend.

They also wanted to give JJ something for his graduation, because his father didn't care and they felt bad.

You arrived at the hotel around 7 pm on a Tuesday.

The hotel was in a quiet area, but not far from everything else.

After checking in and freshening up from the long flight you decided to drink a spritz at the hotel bar before searching for a restaurant to eat dinner.

You and JJ sat along the water with your drinks.

"Cheers baby"

"It's so beautiful here"

The sun was slowly setting, gondolas sailed by and the Italian language immediately gave you that romantic holiday feeling.

After your drinks, you and JJ walked around the area a bit.

Discovering that the street behind your hotel was the place to be for eating.

A lot of small bars and restaurants along the water.

You sat down at a pizzeria, both craving pizza.

Almost got in a fight with JJ because he wanted to order a pizza Hawaii as a joke.

"J, no they will literally kill you here"

You ended up sharing a pizza Funghi as the pizzas were huge.

The next day you decided to visit all the tourist spots right away to get that over with.

Starting from a busy shopping street and visiting some souvenir shops as you walked towards the Rialto Bridge before continuing to St Mark's Square.

You bought some souvenirs for the Pogues and your parents.

JJ insisted on buying a penis-shaped limoncello for John B and Pope.

You thought it was childish and a waste of money as it was way overpriced.

"Don't be jealous babe, you'll get my dick ton-"

"Don't fucking end that sentence"

It was extremely busy and hot, but luckily the alleys were quiet and with plenty of shade.

The rest of the days you didn't have a plan but just strolled through all the streets and enjoying Venice from the water on the Vaporetto.

Visiting some of the places you pinned in google beforehand.

Eating pasta or pizza almost every night.

Get lunch from traditional bakeries and eat it on the stairs along the water.

Drinking a lot of spritz.

JJ wanted to be a gentleman and pay for almost everything even though he got the money from your parents.

But it's the thoughts that count.

JJ holding your hand or walking behind you with his hands on your waist as you walk through busy crowds.

Knowing how easily JJ can get distracted, you came up with a spot in every place to meet if you would lose each other.

You loved that there were no cars or other traffic.

But extremely tired feet because of all the bridges.

Unfortunately, you didn't go on a gondola ride, because that was too expensive, but you did take the gondola once to be able to go to the other side of the water. Which took about 2 minutes.

JJ getting jealous every time you mentioned a hot Italian guy walking by.

Or when a waiter tried to flirt with you.

"He only does that for his job. He probably didn't even mean it"

But JJ wasn't convinced and gave the waiter angry glances every time he complimented you.

Forcing JJ to take photos of you.

He complained about it but secretly loves to encourage you by telling you how pretty and sexy you look.

And quickly airdropping the pictures to his phone so he could have them as well.

Setting his favorite picture of you as his new lock screen.

Having lots of sex.

In the morning, late at night and when the boy was extremely horny he even made you go back to the hotel during the day.

You also went to the beach in Lido.

Where you have been sunbathing most of the time.

And went surfing for a bit.

On the last day, you and JJ made a promise that one day you would come back to Venice with your kids to show all the places 'mom and dad' had been years ago.

You were so tired you fell asleep on JJ on the flight home.

JJ didn't mind. He was just really happy.

[alltoolewis]

cute ass italian date with Lewis trying to cheer reader up in monza

Our City of Love- Lewis Hamilton ✨

It's about time I start writing for this one again... Thank you so much for requesting lovely, this idea is perfection! Hope you enjoy & sorry for this being a little outdated I totally forget I wrote this I found it in my drafts (I love it so much for it to stay there!) I have slightly changed it a little for the plot, but I hope you still like it! 🤍

Summary: After you miss the Italian Grand Prix due to an unexpected illness, with a little help from the hotel staff, Lewis still makes it a trip to remember...

Since you were a little girl, you always dreamed of going to Italy... going to the fanciest restaurants to eat classic pizzas and pasta, walking around at night as the country goes to sleep only the lampposts lights guiding you through the dark night. But with your family income not affording vacations and your job not allowing you to travel when your friends did it never seemed possible... until you met Lewis.

You never told him about your dream to travel to the country, but he had an idea when he asked you if you would like to come with him to the Grand Prix, watching you break down in tears as you ran into his arms. At first, he was confused, not knowing why the question made you react that way, you had travelled with him on race weekends before in your relationship and although you had always been grateful you never burst into tears like right. But once you explained it all to him, he knew he had to make this trip 10x more special than any other trip you two went on.

"Calm down baby..." Lewis chuckled as you sat in your normal space on his jet, leg already bouncing up and down in excitement "We still have 10 hours to go.." But you didn't care how long the journey took, you were one step closer to living your dream "I'm sorry.." You sighed, trying your best to stop your fidgeting, glancing out the window as you began to move "I just can't believe it's actually happening... I'm actually going to Italy.."

Lewis watched you in awe as your head filled with a whole bunch of scenarios for the next 3 days, and although he wasn't physically in your head, he knew exactly what you were thinking about "You are, gorgeous..." He smiled, throwing an arm around you as your head fell on top of his shoulder "I'm sorry we can't stay for longer or have time to properly explore" With his busy schedule, it was clear that you wouldn't be able to live out your dream of exploring with him. He wished he didn't have to tell you that he had to fly straight back the day after the GP to duties in London but he had to... & although inside you were a little gutted the trip couldn't be longer and that the race was going to take up most of his time, you knew it wasn't his fault plus you loved watching him do his thing out there, so it was a win win .

"It doesn't matter Lew..." You sighed lovingly, moving your head slightly to put your forehead to his "You're taking me to my dream place, even if I spent a minute there it doesn't matter. as long as I'm with you."

Closing the small gap between you both, he placed his lips on yours immediately feeling the familiar eruption of butterflies that always happened... even after a year. "I love you so much (y/n) …" He breathed out, pulling away slightly as his forehead fell back on yours "You're way too precious for this world, please never change..."

"I love you too Lew..." You whispered like you didn't want to ruin the moment, tears brimming in your eyes "So fucking much."

-----------------------

The first day there was pretty much spent in the hotel room, you both being too exhausted to explore or check much of the track out after a long day of traveling, and with it being a race week Thursday a shit ton of press. "What a day..." Lewis groaned as he fell back in bed after leaving you for a couple of hours due to the conference "I'm sorry we couldn't-"

Shutting him up, you climbed on top of him placing your lips on his. Although you both lacked energies, you couldn't help but smile into the kiss "Can you stop apologizing." You giggled on his lips as you pulled away "We still have 3 days here, there's plenty of time to explore.."

"We're going to be at the track all the time." He groaned, still feeling guilty for 'ruining' the occasion with work.

"I'm still with you though.." You countered and attacked, leaving one last kiss on his lips before falling back to his side, resting on his bicep. Looking down at you with a smile, he sighed. He still never knew how one human being could be so caring, generous, and innocent. "Your incredible y'know?"

"I know." You smirked, fingers tracing over his tattooed chest that you loved almost as much as him "Thanks for the reminder handsome..."

Rolling his eyes, he pulled you closer to him allowing the exhaustion and tiredness in his body to relax upon yours "I can't wait for Saturday after quali... where I get to show you off to yet another country." Although you told him he didn't have to, Lewis planned to take you out on Saturday with it being the only day where it schedule wasn't as overwhelming as the others.

"Me too." You sighed, the scenario once again flooding your head "This trip is going to be one to remember." But you didn't know for what reason until the next day....

----

"Are you sure you're okay sweetheart?" Angela sighed as you sneezed yet again "You're looking a little pale..." Nodding your head slightly, you shot her a fake smile "I'm fine Ang... I promise just a little cold that's all.."

The truth was you weren't okay and deep down she knew that! You had for some reason woken up with a massive headache and a runny nose and although you insisted to Lewis that it was just the effects of jetlag, you knew it wasn't it, you just didn't want to ruin the weekend.

Giving you a unconvincing smile, Angela patted you on the shoulder "Okay Honey, if you need anything let me know."

"Thanks, Ang.." You smiled back trying to make it more convincing as you knew she was leaving to report back to Lewis. He tried his best to persuade you to stay at the hotel, explaining that you weren't going to miss anything important from practice and that you should just rest up, but that wasn't the girlfriend you are and he knew that! Since you started dating you made it adamant to him that if you were going to travel with him for a race you were going to be present for all of it... even the 'boring' parts! Despite the fact in moments like this your stubbornness was frustrating, he knew he was lucky to have you, not many other drivers could say the same about there partners... that's what you are so special!

The rest of the morning continued the same, you trying to put on a brave face in front of Lewis's colleagues as your body began to weaken. Lewis knew you were avoiding him on purpose as you avoided his gazes across the room and dodged his presence when he walked towards you. It’s not that you didn’t want to, you wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms to attempt to escape the aching feeling in your body but if you did you knew he'd see through your lies and send you back to hotel... ruining the evening and maybe even the weekend! The time struck 1pm & so far you were proud of yourself for avoiding your boyfriend for this long, but it wasn’t quite over yet! you knew that he won't have much time left to find you before his next practice session... or so you thought...

Just as you were about to walk back into the Mercedes lounge, an arm suddenly dragged you into one of the side rooms! You would have screamed if it wasn't for the familiar butterflies floating through your skin indicating that it was indeed your boyfriend's touch.

"Lewis..." You gasped, holding on to your chest "what the fuck!?! if you wanted a quickie you should have just said!" Your teasing normally caused him to crack a smile or laugh, but as he looked at you with a stern expression you knew he was being serious this time!

"Why aren't you telling me the truth?" He spoke with frustration, ignoring your comment as his eyes wandered over your pale skin.

"I-I don't know what y-your talking about L-Lew?" His stare made you stutter as he raised his eyebrow and like you said earlier he read straight pass your lie.

"Bull shit (y/n)… you might have been avoiding me all day but I can read you like a book! You are sick aren't you..."

"It's just the jet la-"

Interrupting you he placed the back of his hand against your forehead, heart dropping as he felt your temperature was through the roof. "Jet lag doesn't cause you to have the temperature of a desert baby.." He sighed, feeling a little guilty that he was the one keeping you from staying in "Why won't you let me take you back to the hotel?"

Your head dropped, as tears brimmed your eyes "I don't want to miss anything..." You whispered and for the first time that day your body allowed you to feel the full extent of your health as your head began to spin.

Taking your body into his, he lifted your chin up gently to look at him "You won't miss anything darling, I promise. I might be only racing for 10 minutes anyway, please let me take you back.."

This time you let the tears fall as you looked at him with soft eyes "I don't want to ruin it.."

"Oh, gorgeous..." He sighed, pulling you further into his chest as your tears soaked his shirt. He knew there was more to the story than just missing a practice session. Italy was your dream, and to think you weren't able to get the full experience due to a virus was not only killing you but also him! Holding on to your cheeks with both hands, his thumb wiped away the falling tears as best as he could "You are not ruining anything baby, you need to get better okay? so we can have that fancy date tomorrow..." He smiled, as your lips turned upwards slightly "So how about I take you back to the hotel so you can rest up, yeah? I can even put on practice for you on the TV so your not missing anything... although you won't.."

Although it killed you, you knew he was right. If you didn't rest now there was a possibility you wouldn't be able to do the rest of the weekend and that for sure would ruin it! So giving in to your boyfriend's pleads, you nodded "Okay..."

Pecking your temple gently, his lips tingled at the warmth "Right then gorgeous, let's get you back..."

"But what about practice?" You mumbled, as he wrapped an around you, guiding you out of the lounge "someone else should take me so you don't miss it..."

"Don't worry about that baby.." He smiled, rubbing his hand up your arm "I'll be back for when the cars ready, they'll understand..."

Not having the energy to reply or argue, you hummed. Allowing him to practically drag you out of the paddock and into the car park where his driver was surprisingly waiting for you both. As they began to drive off, you felt the exhaustion take over as you leaned closer into Lewis's arms. "I'm sorry..." You mumbled, taking Lewis by surprise as he looked at you confused "For what sweetheart?"

"For ruining it all..."

Placing his lips on your head, he sighed "You've got nothing to be sorry for baby, you haven't done anything wrong okay... let's just focus on getting you better, and then we can think of something to do about tomorrow okay?"

"Okay..." You hummed, throwing your head deeper into his chest "I love you so much, Lew" "I love you so much more (y/nn)" ---------------

Even after a lazy afternoon and night, allowing Lewis to look after you like an ill-struck child, you still woke feeling even worst. You didn't know what was wrong with you, but you knew it defiantly wasn't jetlag!

Lewis was already getting ready for the day when you had finally awakened. He already knew you weren't going to wake up feeling better when he felt your forehead this morning, your temperature still being up the roof. He didn't have the heart however to wake you up to check in properly, so instead he left a delicate peck on your cheek and had a cold flannel ready for when you did wake.

Noticing the light on in the bathroom you stood out of your warm bed to meet him in there, but as soon as your feet hit the ground your head went into overload. Stars gathered in your eyes as you reached for the back of the bed, hoping it would give you some sort of stability but unfortunately it didn't. Completely missing your bed, your body slipped onto the floor causing a light thud to echo around the room, gathering the attention of your boyfriend.

"(y/n)!" Lewis gasped as he popped his head out of the room, immediately running over to your sobbing body on the floor "what was you doing trying to get of bed, honey?"

"I wanted to get ready for today..." You sobbed, hiding your face in the palm of your hands causing Lewis's heart to break. He hated when you were sick, normally when you were upset, he would be able to help you feel better but when you were ill, he felt useless!

"(y/n)" Lewis sighed as he pulled your tired body into his "Shhhhh, c'mon baby, deep breathes for me..." He didn't really know what to say in moments like this, he wished he could somehow take the pain away or give an ounce of what you were feeling to himself, but he knew that wasn't just the problem.

Once you were calmer, he picked you up gently placing you back into bed. A small smile etching on his lips as your arms outstretched for him to join him. "I've ruined it all haven't I..." Your small voice broke the silence of the room, causing his heart to sink. Running his hands up your arms, he sighed placing a gentle kiss on your temple "No honey, of course, you haven't..."

"We had the whole day planned though..." You whimpered, tears brimming your eyes at the thought of how magical the day could have been if you didn't catch this dumb illness "I wanted to see you in qualifying, I wanted to be in your corner... I wanted to explore Italy with the love of my life!"

Hearing your voice crack at the end, Lewis pulled you tighter to him shaking his head slightly. He hated this... seeing you upset over something you had no control over at all! But all he could do is hold you, try and comfort you.

"Look, baby" He sighed, lifting your weaken body up slightly to bring you on top of him "I know this trip isn't going the way you wanted it to, and I hate the fact we can't do all of those things too, but that doesn't mean it is your fault" Your mouth opened to speak but Lewis was quick to silent you again "I know you're going to say it is but it is not! You didn't know you were going to get ill, did you?"

Not having the energy to speak, you shook your head wincing slightly at the shooting pain that suddenly emerged. "So, it's not your fault is it..." Lewis whispered, noticing your discomfort as he placed his lips on your temple, the warmth of his lips instantly settling the pain "Although there is nothing more, I want to do right now than whisk you around the city, I need you to get better honey... that's the most important thing..."

Despite knowing that there was no way you would be able to go on the date planned for tonight, hearing the words come out of his mouth only made your heart drop. Lewis felt the tears soak his fresh t-shirt as the reality came to light, and all he could do was hold you while your body grew tired, which didn't take long due to the circumstances.

"I love you so much" Lewis whispered as your body fell limp with sleep next to him "I promise I will still make this trip a rememberable one!" He knew you couldn't hear him, as a sniffled snore fell from your lips, but he still had to make the promise to you, even if you weren't conscious. The truth was he had no idea how he could make this better for you, he could try and win the race, and bring you home a fresh bunch of you of your favorite flowers, but none of them would bring you the same amount of joy as the date would have which killed him inside!

He didn't want to leave you as he slipped out of the bed, planting a final kiss on your heated forehead as he got ready for the day all of again. Changing his tear-soaked shirt into a new one, he left a fresh glass of water and a pack of painkillers on your bedside table just in case you woke up before he is back, which he highly doubted.

A million thoughts were slipping through his mind as he walked into the hotel lobby, stopping occasionally to greet fans and hotel staff. "Good luck with today, sir" the manager of the hotel smiled, giving him a shake of the hand "We hope that you are enjoying your stay with us & if there is anything we can provide you with please don't hesitate to ask"

Giving him a slight smile, he thanked him for his service apologising for not being to chat longer as he was already running a little late, but just as he was about to leave through the revolving doors a thought popped in his head causing him to holt.

"Actually, there is one thing that you could help me with..."

--------------

Qualifying went just the way Lewis hopped, despite being at the back of the grid anyway the car felt good enough to bring himself into the points for tomorrow's race. As they normally do, the interviews followed shortly after the session. Usually, Lewis would be focused during the questions, using multiple years of media training to give them well-thought-out questions but all he could think about when the cameras and microphones pointed at him this time was you!

Noticing his mind is somewhere else, Toto placed his hand on his shoulder "How about you get yourself back to her?" He smiled, already knowing what was going on. Raising his eyebrow slightly, Lewis shook his head, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips "I can't, I still have 2 more interviews after this..."

"Lewis!" Toto sternly interrupted, looking at his driver with nothing but seriousness "Go home to her, please... she needs you more than those interviewers do right now, you need her more than this, just go home!" Listening to his boss's words, he nodded, muttering a quick thank you before dashing out of the garage to get back to you. He felt guilty enough having to leave you the way you were this morning, so it was unsurprising that he'd take the first opportunity to leave the track and get back to you!

His hands shook with nerves as he finally reached the hotel door, not knowing what state you would be in or if you would have tried to pull the same stunt as this morning. But to his surprise and relief, you were in the exact same position he had left you in, tucked in bed with your head resting on his pillow, still sound asleep!

Moving quietly around the room in an attempt to not wake you, Lewis got changed out of his team clothes and into his comfy tracksuit, an outfit that was unfamiliar for him to the media but one that you knew all too well. Crawling in next to you, he gently moved your body close to him, kissing the top of your head repeatedly as a sigh of comfort left his lips.

"Lew..." You mumbled against his chest, not moving much from the pain and being trapped in his arms. "It's just me darling, go back to sleep, okay?" Not needing to hear him twice, you hummed in response, mumbling a quite 'okay' before going back to sleep.

Just as sleep almost took over him, his phone buzzed against the bed side table, causing him to groan....

'It should be ready for you in an hour or so, so please let yourself up past 7:30pm, it is yours for however long you need it'

Smiling to himself, he put his phone back down after setting an alarm for 6:45pm, pulling you back in closer than ever. "We've still got an hour I suppose..." He hummed to the silent room, knowing at this point he was more talking to himself than you, before he drifted off to sleep next to you.

--------

"(y/n) ..." Lewis whispered, guilt trickling in his voice as he woke you up from your long nap "You need to get up darling" Your eyes fluttered open, trying to adjust to the light and figure out why your boyfriend was trying to wake you up.

Noticing the strain in your eyes, he kissed along your face, starting off with your cheeks and lips, before heading to your nose and eventually your forehead just between your eyes "Open those gorgeous eyes for me, princess..." Not knowing if he had some sort of magic spell, your eyes fully opened, a tired sigh escaping your mouth as you looked at him in confusion "What's going on?" You mumbled, noticing he was now fully dressed in track pants and a cosy hoodie was wrapped around him, matching the one he had sitting patiently across his forearm.

"We're going out baby..." He smiled, helping you up gently as he began to get you dressed. Noticing the confusion on your face he added to his previous words "Only for some fresh air, we'll be back inside after 10 minutes, I just thought you might need it after being stuck inside for 2 days!"

Although you were still exhausted, the butterflies still fluttered the same at his warm gesture. "That sounds nice..." You smiled back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, placing a warm kiss on his cheek "Your too good for me!"

"I think that's the other way round sweetheart!" He chuckled, grabbing your shoes from the side for you to step in. Noticing you were still a little unsteady on your feet, he picked you up bridal style, causing you to squeal "What are you doing?!"

"I'm carrying my princess..." He spoke so confidently as if it was the most normal thing. "I have got legs you know" Giving you a stern look, he shook his head, making his way out of the room and towards the lift "I don't want you passing out on me in the middle of the hotel, plus you barely weigh a thing, you near enough don't pass as a form of exercise!"

Knowing there was no way of winning with him, you got comfy in his arms, nuzzling your head deep into his neck as you sighed "Where is my prince charming taking me anyway..."

Pressing the button to the top floor, he laughed "Too the roof..."

"The roof!?!" You questioned, expecting to go to the front of the hotel "Why are we going up for there!"

"I told you beautiful, to get some air!" He laughed once more, placing your feet down as the elevator came to a stop "You lead the way darling, I'm right behind you..." With your feet feeling a bit steadier, you stepped out of the little box, eyes immediately going wide as you took in the scene in front of you!

The roof was laid out with blankets and pillows, rose petals scattered across the scene as candles lit up the roof. A two-seater couch was also placed behind it, as suggested by your boyfriend, as was a basket and tray of Italian snacks, another suggestion from the love of your life.

"Did you do this?" You gasped, tears gathering in your eyes as he wrapped his arms around you. "Sort of..." He chuckled, leaning his head on your shoulder to see a better view of your reaction "It was my idea, but the staff set it up for us... there the main ones to thank here, I just had the vision!"

"This is amazing Lewis!" You whispered, not trusting your voice as you turned around to hold him tighter "Your amazing! Thank you so much...."

A soft smile appeared on his lips as he clung on to you tight, feeling a rush of pride in himself for making you feel a sense of normality when you felt so awful. "That's not all though, turn around..."

Listening to his words, you spun around, mouth going wide as you took in the landscape in front of you, missing it the first time you had come up. The city lit up underneath you, as you had a clear vision of pretty much the whole place. The tears that were once gathered in your eyes now escaped as you gawked at the place you had dreamed so much of "It is so beautiful..."

"I know.." Lewis spoke confidently, eyes watching you instead of the city. His words caused you to blush as he pecked your cheek "I know it's not the same as exploring it, but I didn't want you to miss out on your dream..." Turning back around, you looked at him with nothing but love as he spoke so naturally from the heart "If I couldn't take you to the date, I thought I'd bring it to you! I know it's not the same-"

Cutting him off, with a kiss, you mumbled against his lips "It's perfect! It's everything I have ever dreamed of..." Not pulling away, he smiled against you "Our own city of love..." His words only causing you to smile even wider, as you pulled away caressing his cheek "Thank you for making my dreams come true!"

"Your very welcome!" He breathed out, voice full of love as he walked you towards the two-seater "What's the next dream of yours I can help you with.."

Leaning your head on his shoulder, you sighed "Spending the rest of my life by your side is my only dream from now on... being the love of your life!"

Carefully moving your head to look at him once more, he tilted your chin up allowing him to see the reflection in your love struck orbs

"That's not a dream baby doll.... it's reality!"

[izzysarchivedblogs]

IT'S HAD BEEN TRACING HIS FINGERS OVER BRANDY'S DRAWING LINES AND THE WORDS TONY WRITE THAT GOT HIM THROUGH REHAB.

Something he could just sit, drag his finger over the marker marks, pondering what the hell Tony could have written. He had about a hundred guesses, tried to imagine what they would mean and what that meaning meant to him. What it would feel like, he could takes his guesses and pretended somedays it meant one thing and than the next.

PEOPLE ASKED, but Clint never came up with anything good and didn't really want to tell people anyways. It was just something for him, something between him and his friend. IT HAD BEEN GOOD FOR HIM.

Now he knows what it means, and he wants the cast off because he wants to start moving, he wants to move on with his life. Being stuck in this cast isn't helping. IN THE FUTURE, what could that meant, but than he wants to hold onto that as the reminder. IN THE FUTURE, as he moves on and does the work, tries to stay on the wagon as they call it, get better. Find who he was, be better. IN THE FUTURE, Tony's write him something hopeful and he wants to keep that.

IT'S SPECIAL, and then it's special because Tony Stark is his friend. His first one, even if the man took a leave of the Avengers as soon as Hawkeye had been brought in. A change of who was on the team happening. Clint now knows that time had been when Tony was getting his life in order. IN THE FUTURE, it's special cause Tony saw Clint had a future as an avenger, gave him that second chance at a better one. First guy to welcome him in. THE GUY WAS SPECIAL. That add about the very poor decisions, yet mess of their meeting ups over the course of a few months. THAT WAS SPECIAL TOO.

IN THE FUTURE. Clint knows that he has to get his house in order before he can entertain any of those thoughts about Tony; the funny thing was that the sex had been great and he's no where near even thinking about that now, when he thinks of the guy. BOBBI HAD PEGGED HIM RIGHT ABOUT THE MEN HE DEVELOPED CRUSHES ON. Tony fucking Stark. All of that was in the future, and Clint's always had a thing about objects and sentiments.

So he doesn't want to let go. Nothing's gonna stop him for at least displaying his gratitude to his friend Tony, or at leat reinforce the fact that Clint cared about him. THAT HE WAS GETTING BETTER SO HE COULD BE BETTER AT BEING AROUND PEOPLE, around him and be there for him. Even better than he had been once or twice before.

❝ Please, I know you'd have ways to preserve it from getting gross. I remember you had to change what you coated your suit with after I figured out a corrosive arrow that could eat away and rust your armor. ❞ CLINT BRINGS UP SMUG, HARKENING BACK TO A LONG TIME AGO. When Clint was trying to kill Tony Stark's bodyguard, Iron Man, so Natasha could get to tony Stark. A smirk on his lip.

❝ You just don't want to preserve the cast; which it's fine. If I can get off tomorrow, we'll toss it. ❞ HE WANTS TO HOLD ON, but if he can't than Clint's not going to upset himself or drink over that loss.

Clint reclines himself back as much as he can, hands on his stomach and just tries to relax. Tries to reconnect to his body, to the feeling of it, even for all its terribleness. HE LISTENS AS TONY TELLS HIM ABOUT THIS PASTA.

It sound like a tall order, one that Clint knows he'll never recreate but that doesn't mean he won't try. Hopefully, he'll get days without Tony hovering around to practice. ❝ Italian, right? Tradition like that s'special. ❞ He asks feigning like he doesn't speak Italian, like he been to Italy more than any other countries. He had a long SHIELD mission there once or twice, kept getting set back because he spoken the language, because while he may be bad as a spy; he put down good roots with some folk there that Shield liked. The old Shield at least. ❝ Tentar Non Nuoce, maybe I'll surprise you. ❞ THERE'S NO HARM IN TRYING.

Mentally he tucks all that information away, because it's personal. He had been expecting Tony to hit him with several ideas or requests, as if to tease and prove he's got a wealth of tastes. INSTEAD, HE TELLS HIM SOMETHING ABOUT CHILDHOOD.

Clint's got to try at least, because he does feel fuzzy knowing something new about Tony. The man eeveryone thought they knew cause his life was plastered in papers for decades but who really knew a thing about anyone unless they had been in bed together or they bleed the same blood. HE AND KATE BLED THE SAME BLOOD; because that thought didn't necessarily mean anything about blood relation.

❝ Mm'kay, wanna put us on a movie or somethin' til than? ❞ Asking for Tony to stay with him for the next three hours, until they left for that. HE'S NERVOUS, but he's gonna try to get his nerves in check and he's given up with the therapy process for the day. There was tomorrow, and at the very least Clint had made a call to a doctor and had a THIS-OR-THAT appointment, which tomorrow at noon.

SO HE'S DONE SOMETHING, RIGHT? THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.

Tony seriously didn't know if Clint was joking or not about the art. And his adamance that he was keeping it and that it was special was making his head spin.

Tony had fallen for people in the past. It hadn't exactly gone well, but it had happened. He was still not good at recognizing those feelings. Romantic Love was a little alien to him and until it came up and smacked him in the face he often couldn't figure out the difference between close friends and more than that. For a long long time he'd looked at all the things people did when they were in love and thought it was stupid. Roses and dinner in fancy restaurants and heart shaped candy boxes made his skin crawl, and he assumed that other people did those things because that was how you signaled to someone you wanted to have sex with them.

Then he'd found out that people actually liked them and he started to thing maybe there was something inside him that was broken. The world had changed a lot and over the years Tony had learned words and labels that might fit and did fit and he knew it wasn't broken. It just was what he was. And then he had actually fallen in love with someone and the labels changed a little, but all that romance stuff didn't repel him. It still wasn't something he wanted for himself, but he felt this strong urge to rain it down on the object of his affection, not because he wanted to signal that he wanted sex, but because he wanted to signal that he loved them.

That in between phase though - that was tricky. And if Clint was wanting to hold on to that drawing, and he was here, holding his hand and planning dates...

WERE THEY FALLING FOR EACH OTHER?

Tony couldn't think about that now. He couldn't explore it. He couldn't encourage it. Clint was in early stages of recovery. He was emotional compromised and it was too easy for people in this early phase who were trying to kick a big world consuming habit latched on to anything that might take it's place. Food. Pills. Sex. And yes, sometimes even love - or at least the a twisted perversion on the idea that left them emotionally compromised and far too willing to please.

So Tony would lock it up. He'd try not to overthink it. He would still offer comfort when needed, because he was here to help. And maybe when Clint had a hold of the addiction better - maybe then he'd open up to figure that out.

"You won't want it for long," he said, with a soft laugh and shaking his head. "But do what you gotta do."

He sat back again and toed his shoes off. He took a few bites of his food as he thought. "When I was really little, mom would take me to visit my grandparents and my nona would make orecchiette pasta by hand. Which isn't a pasta machine thing. You get a little ball of the dough and you push it into your palm, so it curls around your thumb. You do that over and over and over and over. They're small so if you're not good at it, it takes forever. But she'd been doing it since she was a kid, so she was a machine. I remember trying to help her and just making these messed up little balls. Then she'd cook it for us. Boil it, and then toss it through a pan with prosciutto and broccoli. I haven't found anyone that makes something even remotely close to that. Not even with store bought orrecchiette. So I guess if I was to say the one thing I would want someone to make me - it'd be that."

He let out a breath and pulled his feet under him. He's thankful that Clint's not arguing. They were going to his first meeting. Tony doubted that he'd talk. That was okay. But he had to go.. "Doors open at five-thirty. It'll start a little after that."